Loneliness

LONeLInESS....
loneliness is always worse while still dealing with a break-up, or being apart from loved ones. it's the lingering memory of what it felt like to truly belong and feel love and loved. but what's worse is that in hindsight these memories of friends and lovers become rose-coloured and crystallised in their perceived perfection - like when remembering that perfect sunset, you forget about how there was a rock under the rug hurting your bum, and that you wish you'd remembered your jacket.
but in the end you have to realize that sometimes it's ok to be lonely. even when you are surrounded by your closest friends, you can feel the "loneliness birds"* circling. it's important to know that it will pass, the sadness will recede again, and somehow you'll be brought back, to engage with those around you.
you are right, there is a difference by being lonely, and alone. some of my fondest memories are lunches alone with my journal, or the night i stayed alone in a big castle in Northumbria, and just pampered myself after backpacking for 2 months. even tho at dinner i could feel the other couples thinking, "that poor girl, all alone", I was having a ball. what is the stigma with being alone? why is it that people feel that they can't go to the movies by themselves? i mean, you can't talk when you're in there anyway. and i was always amazed at how shocked people were when i said i travelled overseas for a year alone. and even once i was reading a book in a busy pub, and some guy felt the need to say how weird it was, and that he'd never seen someone do that before... anyway, that's not the point, is it?
sometimes i think this kind of loneliness, altho valid, is a bit of western privileged indulgence. like we have too much time on our hands, not thinking about our next meal, or (for the most part) dealing with war, famine, disease etc. we chase thrills, and highs, and seek constant entertainment and happiness. and nobody can be happy all the time.
i say, ride the rollercoaster, take the high with the low, the loved with the lonely, the beautiful sunset with the dark heaving storm. cos sometimes people just won't see the beauty you see in something. sometimes a moment will only be special to you - and that has to be enough.
* From The Power of One, but how I have always felt when at my loneliest.
_princess_RicHeLLe_
daMn IT!